Don’t Be Rude! How to Teach Your Child Manners

It has long been said that children tend to be egocentric, or, in simpler words, they can be pretty darn selfish. Kids typically see the world from their own perspectives, and they tell it as it is regardless of how others may feel about it (cue the parents who watch in horror as their kid calls out “fat auntie”). Of course, kids don’t say such things because they’re inherently rude, but rather, they’re inclined to behave a certain way at earlier stages of their psychological development. Self-centredness, to a certain degree, are normal at these early stages. As children mature and discover more about the cultures and practices around them, they progress to more advanced levels of thinking where empathetic skills begin to surface and become solidified through learning.

As such, good manners, like everything else, need to be taught. Now, knowing how to say “please” and “thank you” is already a struggle for some adults, so it might seem like a daunting task to teach your child how to behave politely. But, really, it’s easier to teach kids than adults when it comes to the art of etiquette, so here are a few tips that will help make your child charm school material.

 

1. Start with Basic Manners

If you give your child a one-hour lecture about the importance of politeness, they’re likely only going to absorb 10% of what you say. Children have a short attention span, so you should start with a few common etiquette rules that they would need to use on a daily basis, making it easier for them to remember and apply. These basic rules will form the foundation that you can build on as they become more ingrained in your child. Isadora Fox of Parents.com outlines 4 basic manners that parents should teach their child first, which are simple table manners, saying “please” and “thank you”, sharing, and apologizing. As common as these etiquette practices are in daily life, it takes tons of practice for them to become “second nature”, and they are a form of habit that must be cultivated from childhood. Parents should first explicitly tell the child the rule (e.g. “you should wash your hands before you eat”), and then be diligent in reminding them of the rule in situations where it is applicable (e.g. at the dinner table, you may ask them, “what should you before you eat”).

Or “Thou shall not attempt to eat without using your hands”

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As another example, children begin to grasp the concept of sharing and turn-taking around the age of 2, but they won’t necessarily do either due to egocentric tendencies. Hence, what you should do, as Fox suggests, is to “encourage your toddler to share with his friends on play dates by giving him two similar toys and helping him offer one to his friend”. These simple lessons about patience are crucial in developing a child’s self-control in the long run, and as we had previously explored, self-control is an important component in determining how they deal with challenges – both major and minor – in adulthood. A child who is taught to share and wait their turn is more likely to show good conduct in situations where their patience is tested, such as waiting in line or arguing with someone.

 

2. Encourage your child to use “Mr.” or “Ms.”

While some might consider this to be old-fashioned, Patricia Rossi, author of Everyday Etiquette, believes it to be the most well-mannered way a child can address someone, especially their elders. Helping them distinguish between different titles and how to use them is a great opportunity to teach them that greeting people properly is a mark respect for others. These courteous forms of acknowledgement are especially valuable in this age where kids tend to greet others with an enthusiastic “hey” as they continue to tap away on their phones. So, when your child is greeting or meeting someone new, ask them to say “Hi, Mr. Malcolm” (if the person is an adult), or “Hi, Jane” (if the person is a child).

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3. Correct Them Politely

A staff writer at Ask Dr. Sears recalled why he, as a baseball coach, chose to use a more tactful method in correcting a child when they made a dumb play on the field. He said, “My politeness showed him that I value him and want him to learn from his mistakes so he becomes a better player, and the child listens. I hope someday that same child will carry on these ball field manners when he becomes a coach.”

Similarly, you should be polite when you’re attempting to correct your child’s manners because as their parent, you are the prime example from which children model their behaviours. So, when your kids behave rudely, avoid correcting them in a snappy manner. Rather than screaming “Sofia, get your feet off the table!”, try saying in a calm tone “Sofia, please remove your feet from the table. It’s impolite” instead. Kids like to test your limits and see how much they can get away with, so if you use a more aggressive approach, they’re just going to try to fight fire with fire fearlessly.

No child should be scolded into being polite. After all, having good manners is not supposed to be a chore (“ugh, I don’t like to wash the dishes” is one thing, but “ugh, I don’t like to say thank you” is another). However, if you react negatively every time your child makes a “rude” mistake, it’s certainly going to feel like one. Apart from that, you yourself should also practice what you preach, for children imitate what they see and what they hear. For example, avoid having short outbursts – and certainly avoid cursing – when a car cuts you off on the road. Do it too often and your child will think it’s okay for them to do so too.

 

4. Use Storybooks and Cartoons

You can’t completely teach manners to children the way you would teach them math and science. They probably don’t find “etiquette lessons” to be exciting, not even adults do. But never fear! This is where children’s books and cartoons swoop in and save your child from certain boredom. While some cartoons and storybooks might seem like silly, light-hearted entertainment for kids, the right ones serve to be educational for their young viewers and readers. What’s more, they do it in a fun, colourful way that will certainly hold the attention of tiny tots. Therefore, it is important to do your research and find the right book or show that models the kind of polite behaviours you want to instil in your child.

For instance, if you’re old-school and remember the original Snow White movie by Disney, remember that elaborate scene where the seven dwarves cleaned themselves up before dining – that’s a lesson on basic table manners seamlessly weaved into a kids show.

 

5. Have Dinner Conversations

Having regular family dinners, where everyone sits at the same table and talk face-to-face, are not just family bonding moments where you can catch up with your children about their day. Katherine Lee, a writer at Very Well Family, says that this habit promotes kids’ health and development because they’re often associated with a reduced risk of obesity, healthier eating habits, improved social and emotional skills, and better school performance. When it comes to the matter of etiquette, family dinners provide a non-threatening environment for kids to practice how they should speak to others and how to have a conversation, such as listening patiently, waiting for others to finish before they speak, disagreeing respectfully, and so on. Not only does this ensure they display good table manners outside of their homes, it also strengthens their social skills.

“Jason, don’t talk to me while you’re still chewing.”

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All in all, good manners are not inborn. They can be trained, and for the best effect, your child should be immersed in an environment where good etiquette is the norm. As parents, this means that we should be mindful of our own conduct and be attentive to the kind of behaviours to which your children are exposed when they’re out and about, such as the books they read, the TV shows they watch, the friends they make, and even the kindergarten they go to!

And of course, one of our aims at Tadika Seri Cahaya is to see your children grow up to be intelligent, sociable and caring, so don’t forget to pay us a visit and check out the holistic programmes that we offer.



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